Charlie’s Top Ten

Charlie’s Top Ten Epic Songs

March 30, 2009

Before I continue, by epic song I mean a song over 8 minutes long. This eliminates all those Aerosmith fans that think “Dream On” is an epic song. Don’t get me wrong, I love the tune, its fantastic…but its not epic. And to be even more clear: live jam band sessions don’t count. Unless it’s on the studio cut album, its not going to appear here. Some are live music videos, some are just slideshows…but either way…the actual studio cut version is over 8 min.

Remember, new format, its a COUNTDOWN…

10.

Konstantine – Something Coporate

I know, I know. Before you say anything. This song has a special spot in my heart. You know who you are. The song is sad, long, and full of emotion. I love it. Put it on, grab some wine, have a good cry…then get OVER it.

Won’t Get Fooled Again – The Who

I mean…really. “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh”. Need I say more? Roger Daltrey’s scream echoes in my soul when I hear him let loose.

Hurricane – Bob Dylan

Lets be honest…Dylan had to make this list somehow. Arguably the best song/writer of all-time, he sings an epic story about Ruben “Hurricane” Carter. It’s pretty damn catchy, too.

One Burbon, One Scotch, One Beer – George Thorogood and the Destroyers

This one goes out to a little SINGER I know…if you get my drift. What time is it? What you need? I said but I’m TIRED! Sound familiar? Thats cause it comes from the ultimate bar song. Drown your sorrows my friends…drown your sorrows. Take your time though, cause you have 8 minutes and 27 seconds to do it

Kashmir – Led Zeppelin

This song is badass. Led Zeppelin takes number 7 with the epic rock tune that all you little freshman high schoolers are dying to learn how to play but can’t. No worries. I can’t play it either.

American Pie – Don McLean

Pop Quiz hot shots: Who is this song about? Yeah, bet you don’t know. Don McLean’s folk epic tells the story about the day the music died…

Sinnerman – Nina Simone

Thomas Crown Affair. Thats all you need to know. Probably one of the most memorable scenes in my Power Hour (if you don’t know what that is, you probably can’t afford it). Nina Simone’s voice cuts through the track like a stolen painting…or something. Its fantastic.

Paradise by the Dashboard Lights – Meatloaf

Talk about songs that are practically written for you! Yes, and yes. It did happen this way. This video is ridiculous…watch it if you dare. Meatloaf was an actor before he became a singer. You may have seen em’ around some Picture Show or in some sort of Group Therapy meeting…

Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin

This is the number 1 learned song of all time. Everyone who gets a guitar gets it to play this. Yes, I realize that Led is on here more than once…and no, I don’t care. The band was fucking great.

Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd

This is it everyone. The number one song over 8 minutes long. It’s perfect. In fact, I wish it was LONGER. The piano, the slide guitar…the amazing solo. What’s not to like? Any other song you know of that gets called out no matter WHERE you are. I’ve been singled out by Comedians, laughed at by live Cover Bands, and lord knows what else…oh wait, I ACTUALLY SAW IT LIVE. You can’t help but scream it out at least once in your life…

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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New Format!

March 30, 2009

Alright, it’s been a long effin’ time. I’ve decided to switch things up a bit. Everything is still going to be Top 10…but i’m making it doing it like a COUNTDOWN. I think it’ll make things more exciting, ya? Alright…my vow to all of my dedicated followers out there is this: I will post at LEAST one time a week…or else. Ok? Keep reading.

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Charlie’s Top Ten “That Guy”

September 7, 2008

We’ve all seen them. Some of us have BEEN him. Every party, every store, every social gathering, there is always “that guy”. Not all of these are bad. Some of them are funny, some of them are annoying, and some of them are just plain D-Baggy.

1. The Inconsiderate Prick

You know, that guy who talks on his cell phone during a movie. He’ll talk loudly at the library and make inappropriate jokes at funerals. You may find him eating ALL of the just the Red M&M’s and taking more of his share of free pens at the bank. The selfish bastard who only cares about himself and knows exactly what his effect on other people is.

2. The Tool

That guy who wears his visor upside tilted to the side and upside down along with not one, but TWO polo shirts, and a fancy pair of aviators. ::shudder:: I want to punch you in the face.

3. The Creep

That guy who says really creepy things like “I don’t want your number, just your last name” and does things like touch your girlfriend inappropriately or even makes creepy sounding phone calls at odd hours of the day. Misunderstood? Perhaps. Perhaps he just wants to take someone home and chop them up with little pieces too…

4. The Arrogant Bastard

We’ve all seen that guy who loves the sound of his own voice. He’ll talk as if he knows everything in the world when in reality he is wrong half the time. He’ll put you down to try and make himself look better, but he’s not fooling anyone. He says things like “This is SO easy I can’t believe you can’t do this” or “you’re so stupid this is simple.” Go to hell, man.

5. The Snob

That guy. That fucking guy. That guy who tells you what music is good and bad. What beer tastes good or like shit, what movie is fantastic and what movie blows. Here’s the thing. WE DIDN’T FUCKING ASK. Don’t give your opinions on things unless we ask for them. Keep your mouth shut and don’t knock us for our likes and dislikes. You tell me my opinion is WRONG? Who the fuck are you? You know what? I don’t like you.

6. The Nervous Wreck

That guy that waits in line and can’t stand still. Sweat is pouring down his face and his arm pits are sweating like huge waterfalls. His voice cracks constantly and he just overall looks uneasy. You feel bad for him. There’s nothing to be worried about man, take it easy.

7. The Inappropriate Guy

He’s that guy who always makes that joke that makes everyone cringe. You don’t want to hang out with him because you know he’s going to say something gross that isn’t really funny, it’s just messed up. You don’t want to bring him around your girlfriend, your mom, your dad, anyone you really care about…it’s annoying. You can’t take this guy anywhere. Your best bet is to take him to a sports game and hope the opposing fans kick his ass.

8. The Intense Competitor

You know that guy who always thinks everything is a competition? He gets way too intense about things and he pretty much sucks the fun out of everything you do? Yeah. That guy. It’s just a fucking game, relax. Playing video games, family friendly board games, and even eating, yes eating, is a competition to this type of person. You don’t need to rub it in my face that you ate your steak faster than me, dude. Chill out.

9. The Goody Goody

We’ve all known that guy who is perfect. The angel. The guy who doesn’t drink, smoke, curse, yell, or get angry. He makes everyone look bad because no one can compare but you, quite frankly, don’t really care. Everyone wants to go out to a bar, drink, meet girls and fool around, but not him. He’ll tag along and be really awkward the entire time. Multiple people will try and buy him a beer but he’ll say “no thanks, don’t drink” then he’ll get that weird look like “then get the hell out of the bar” . He’ll bring you down just by being such a nice well rounded person. What can you do?

10. The Sour-Puss

That guy that wants to go out but then sits and sulks. It makes you wonder why he comes out if he’s not going to have any fun. He could bitch and moan about an ex, maybe about this girl he likes, maybe about how he’s just tired. There are tons of reasons he’ll be in a bad mood. Go see a movie, and he’ll sit and say he hates it. Go to a bar, and he’ll sit in the corner and drink his beer alone. Hang out with girls, he’ll say he doesn’t like any of them. Really dude? Get over it. Suck it up get some real problems.

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Charlie’s Top Ten Commandments

August 27, 2008

Alright, I know I didn’t write these. HOWEVER, I still feel like I can rank them in order of importance to me. I also can’t help but think of Mel Brooks:

Now here is my list:

1. Honor thy Mother and Father.

Hey, they brought me into this world, thats fine, I’ll give them the respect they deserve. Not to mention all the stuff parents buy for their children over a period of 18 years (and sometimes it doesn’t even stop there!)

2. Thou Shalt not Kill

As much as I say “I’ll kill you, I want you dead, kill yourself” it’s a nicer way of saying “fuck you, fuck you, fuck yourself”. I don’t really want to kill anyone, unless they want to kill me first.

3. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Sure. I don’t really care so much about who’s up there, just as long as someone’s driving the car…and they’re sober.

4. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Yeah, its not cool to get someone in trouble. Don’t push your little sister down the stairs and blame it on your little brother. Or the dog.

This is where things start to get a little “less” important. Hope God will forgive me.

5. Thou shalt not make yourself an idol in the form of anything

Idol in the form of anything? What does that mean? Like American idol? Is that bad?

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Well, if adultery is strictly marriage, then I think I’m OK. But if it has to do with like girlfriends, relationships, or dating…eeesh.

7. Remember the Sabbath day. Keep it holy.

Hah, the things I’ve done on the Sabbath day. I think they were illegal in some states…

8. Thou shalt not take the Lords’ name in vain.

Goddamit I always forget this on

9. Thou shalt not steal.

Stealing? Like…a keg from a party? Is that bad? Or does God mean don’t steal cookies from Wawa? Does it matter how much the thing costs that you steal? Hrm.

10. Thou shalt not covet.

Almost like stealing…it’s almost like a more obvious stealing. Like, I’m going to steal your wife from you, then show up at a party and then exit by saying “I’m going to go home and sleep with my wife.” I think thats what it means, either way. If I steal your girlfriend I’m going to rub it in your face.

Here’s my 10:

1. Don’t ever judge a book by its cover.

2. Say please and thank you.

3. Always get a girl a glass of water the morning after (now thats just manners). Girls: make an attempt to get up, hopefully the guy will stop you.

4. If a woman hits a man, he can hit her back and vice versa.

5. Always fight for you friends, regardless if they started it, are wrong, or are drunk (unless it is like the 100th time they start a fight, then you are allowed to say “you’re on you’re own”)

6. At a bar, always buy a round. Your friends should do the same

7. Discriminate all races, ages, genders equally.

8. If you talk shit, you have to able to back it up.

9. Fair is Fair. Always.

10. Don’t fear the reaper, baby. Death is natural and you gotta live life like you’re gonna die when you’re 90. Don’t live life like you’ll die tomorrow, that is probably the stupidest advice I’ve ever heard.

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Charlie’s Top Ten Favorite Movies

August 27, 2008

When I first posted this list I had the title of it as “Charlie’s Top Ten Movies”. Obviously, I changed it. I want to preface this list by saying that I do not believe these movies are the greatest movies ever made. Most of them didn’t even win Oscars (not that it matters anyway). What is a favorite movie? What’s a favorite anything for that matter? To me, it matters how many times you can watch something over and over again before you get sick of it. It’s an emotion that you feel every single time you watch it. Using that criteria I give you my list:

1. True Romance